


All Planned Out

by lielabell



Category: High School Musical
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-20
Updated: 2009-10-20
Packaged: 2017-10-25 00:46:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lielabell/pseuds/lielabell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Chad had to think of a title to describe last summer it would be <i>Ryan Evans: Everywhere</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Planned Out

Chad knew what he wanted in life. He would work hard, practice every day. Be the kid still on the court hours after everyone else had left. With time and dedication, he would make it to the top, be the one all the scouts wanted. He was good at the game and that was his ticket out of here. He had it all mapped out. His goals, his motivations, everything. He had it all figured out, had since middle school.

But Chad had never counted on Ryan.

Ryan, in his pale pink shirts and baby blue slacks. Ryan, with his perfectly matching hats and movie star smile. Ryan, who was here and queer and would be damned if he went anywhere. Ryan, who threw all of Chad’s carefully laid plans into chaos without even knowing it.

Chad had tried to stay away from him and all he represented. And, for nearly three years, it worked. Jocks and theater geeks don’t hang out. Or, at least, they didn’t. And it was easy to avoid someone who didn’t interact with any of your friends. Until they did.

If Chad had to think of a title to describe last summer it would be _Ryan Evans: Everywhere_. Because that’s what it had felt like. Chad couldn’t turn around without bumping into Ryan, which made it as impossible for him to ignore the fact that Ryan was exactly his type as it was to ignore the fact that he was gay in the first place.

As if there was any room in his life for either.

Ryan Evans is disaster wrapped in a pretty package, one that Chad would love to unwrap, but Chad isn’t about to let his plans fall off track. Chad still knows what he wants. He knows how to get it. He just needs to bide his time and keep a tight rein on his desires. So he smiles and slings his arm across Ryan’s shoulders like he won’t treasure that small contact for days to come. He laughs and jokes and pretends.

When Ryan’s sprawled out on the floor in front of him, talking about things Chad couldn’t care less about, he smiles and nods and does his best not to focus on the way the light makes Ryan’s skin glow or how desperately he wants to touch it. And when Taylor comes in, he gives her a kiss that leaves him feeling empty and pretends for all he’s worth that holding her in his lap makes up for losing Ryan’s attention.

Chad smiles when he holds Taylor’s hand. He wraps her in his arms and kisses her neck because it’s what’s expected of him. He refuses to let any hint of his disinterest appear and tries to ignore the guilt eating at him. When she whispers that she loves him he doesn’t hesitate before repeating the words. He lies so easily, never once stumbling over his words even though the fact that she is a wonderful girl who deserves so much better tears him apart inside.

Being around Ryan is like picking at a scab. He knows eventually it will make him bleed, but he just can’t stop. He wishes sometimes it was different. He wishes he didn’t have his future all planned out. Chad pictures what it would be like to be free to be who he was, to say and do whatever he wanted.

Chad’s come close, far closer than he is comfortable with, to admitting the truth. How could he not? Ryan is so vibrant and alive. So free. And, sitting next to him in the moonlight, Chad can almost believe that he could capture a little bit of that freedom too.

He’s opened his mouth, ready to confess all, but the words never come. And each missed opportunity only makes it harder. Because what will Ryan think if he finds out Chad’s been lying to him? They’re friends. Good friends. And good friends don’t keep secrets from each other.

Sometimes Chad is almost convinced that he hates Ryan. Everything just comes so easily for him. Ryan’s family loves him, his parents are not only supportive, they are proud. For them, Ryan’s gayness is just another part of the son that they adore. His friends apparently feel the same way. They all have no problem with Ryan and are perfectly willing to accept him for who he is. Hell, even the student body of East High seems to take him in stride.

Sure, there were a couple of dumbasses who yelled things down the hall and Chad had even heard that someone had scrawled threatening messages on Ryan’s locker when they were freshmen. But then Ryan’s parents had rode in like avenging angles with a legion of lawyers at their back and suddenly everyone was required to take what the jocks had all mockingly called “sensitivity classes” and abide by a strict code of conduct, or else.

Chad wishes his own family could be counted on to react like that, but he knows better. They aren’t homophobes or anything, but they aren’t exactly welcoming either. It had taken a good three months for his father to stop muttering, “Something ain’t right with that boy,” every time Ryan came over and sometimes he still hears his mother murmur to his father about Ryan’s “poor parents” as if having a gay son was the same as having a kid dying of cancer or something.

Chad plans on eventually telling his family about his own sexual preferences. Sometime after college is paid for and the fact that he’s gay can’t be used against him. Chad is sure that when he comes out that they will accept him. It will just take some time. And that acceptance won’t come without strings attached. Having him turn out to be gay will be a badge of shame for his parents, something they will shake their heads over and wonder about. And as for his friends—well that’s not a conversation he ever wants to have with them.

He has been in too many locker rooms to ever think that an openly gay player would be welcome, no matter how vital he might be to the team. Jocks are so insular that even Troy, golden boy if ever there were one, was given crap for having the nerve to date outside of his social circle. Chad doesn’t even want to think about what would happen to a guy ballsy enough to make out with a guy and then show up the next day to practice.

Yes, sometimes Chad definitely thinks he hates Ryan. Because perfect Ryan in his perfect life would never know, let alone understand, what Chad goes through every day.

He wants Ryan, happy-as-a-Labrador Ryan, to feel that never-ending ache, the longing and fear and need. He wants Ryan to toss and turn in his bed at night, plagued by thoughts and feelings beyond his control. He wants Ryan, who never had a hair out of place, to be the one wandering around the halls of East High with his shirt rumpled and his eyes rimmed in red.

He wants Ryan.

Wants him so bad that Chad thinks he'll go crazy from the lack of him. And he knows he can’t have him. Because even if Chad worked of the courage to tell him, Ryan would never be willing to have a relationship on the sly. Not that Chad blamed him. He knew that Ryan deserved better than that.

Being Ryan’s friend was the best that Chad can hope for. So he is, even though he feels as if his heart is being ripped from his chest while he does it. He pretends like hearing about the boy on the dance team who caught Ryan’s eye doesn’t hurt. He pretends that watching Ryan go gaga-eyed over someone else didn’t cut him in ways he never imagined possible. He pretends because Chad has a plan for his life and falling in love with Ryan Evans is not part of it.


End file.
